Rapitori.info

[Gerula]

° Inima este cel mai important organ genital al omului.

° Cu ajutorul cainelui Vitoria Lipan si-a gasit foarte repede
zacamintele sotului.

° In 1877 trupelor rusesti li s-a permis sa traverseze
teritoriul Romaniei, impreuna cu tancuri si avioane, iar romanii le-au
dat mancare si cazare contracost.

° Drumetii veneau la Hanul Ancutei pentru a minca si a bea
vin din ulcicile noi ca alea vechi erau sparte!

° Un profesor intreaba o eleva:cine a scris poezia
"Luceafarul" [] .... ea spune Tudor Arghezi.

° Scoala Ardeleana nu a avut propriu-zis sediu, din lipsa de
fonduri austro-ungare.

° Alexandru Lapusneanu s-a tinut de cuvint atunci cind a spus:
"De ma voi scula, pre multi am sa popesc si eu!" Dovada ca
azi cel mai intilnit nume este Popescu.

° Poezia "Sburatorul" de Ion Has Radulescu este un omagiu
adus aviatorilor romani.

° Mircea cel Batrin a fost inmormintat la Cozia impreuna cu umbra sa

° Dintre cele cinci scrisori trimise de Eminescu, prima este
considerata a treia. In "Scrisoarea a treia" se desfasoara batalia de
la Rovinari.

° Mircea cel Mare, care prima data a fost batrin, sta la un
discurs cu Baiazid. Acesta il primeste politicos, dar cu obraznicie,
si-l face in tot felul, ca pe o albie de porci. Cind Baiazid il
intreaba arogant "Tu esti Mircea?", domnitorul roman nu se pierde cu
firea si ii raspunde la fix: "Da-mparate!"
Pina la urma Mircea cel Mare, desi batrin il va ingenunchia
pe trufasul otoman cu citeva proverbe si zicatori bine plasate.
Imparati cu care lumea nu putea sa se mai impace au venit
si la noi in Romania si au cerut pamint si de baut, dar cum venira s-a
lamurit cu cine are de-a face si s-a dus de-a berbeleacul cu pleava
pulberata, c-au ramas doar citeva de bucati de eniceri si spahii
fugind, dintre care este amintita "inspre Dunare, o mina."

° La a-2-a parte a subiectul cerinta este compunerea unei
scrisori catre o persoana imaginara pe nume Paula.Un elev raspunde(in
scris):"Eu nu mai scriu scrisori pt k am internet... si pe Paula nici
nu o cunosc!"

° Mihai Eminescu si-a intitulat poezia "Din valurile
vremii..." vrand sa sugereze vremea si apoi nu a mai continuat titlul
din nu stiu din ce motiv s-a razgandit si a inceput strofa I..

° Manole a pus-o pe Ana la zid si a inceput sa o lucreze.

° Poema "Miorita" circula pe baza orala, adica nu a fost
scrisa, din motive tehnice. In balada "Miorita" este vorba de trei
ciobani care comploteaza impreuna sa-l omoare pe unul dintre ei.
Ciobanul "Mioritei" a spus ca la cap sa-i puie diverse categorii de
fluiere.

° Multimile de boieri exploatatori isi tineau banii numerar
in pungi. Haiducii ii atacau si ii usurau de bani in toate baladele.

° Balada e o specie a liricii populare inventata de Ciprian
Porumbescu.

° Creierul este un organ oarecum indispensabil capului.

° Calin tine de mîna mireasa care are parul lung de fericire.
Ea lupta sa puna mîna pe dragostea flacaului.

° Poetul îsi asteapta iubita ca împreuna sa cutremure o barca.

° Ion Creanga s-a nascut între anii 1887-1889.

° Nechifor Lipan a avut fericita ocazie de a nu se mai
întoarce acasa fiind jefuit de niste oameni invidiosi.

° În romanul "Rascoala" personajul principal este poporul si
marea masa a taranilor.

° Dimitrie Cantemir a avut un rol însemnat în viata sa.

° Nechifor Lipan statea " pe spate cu fatza in jos"..

° Profa: In ce tip se incadra Otilia Marculescu?
Eleva: In tipul ingerului a fetei blonde..
Profa: Asta ai citit tu intr-o carte?
Eleva: Asta am spus-o eu din proprie initiativa

° Haiducii din doine, balade si idile erau liberi si fericiti
ca pasarile, animalele si pestii care zburda prin codri. De cum venea
primavara, haiducii cei harnici plecau in padure. Acolo ei cintau
suflind din frunza si lasindu-i pe boieri cu buza umflata.

° Latina clasica este o limba moarta, care nu se poate vorbi
decit in scris. Dupa caderea Imperiului roman, o parte din latina
clasica defuncta a devenit bulgara. Limba romana are la baza latina
bulgara, amestecata cu elemente de daca si o groaza de cuvinte slabe.
In secolul al XV-lea, limba vorbita de popor era considerata vulgara
si n-o vorbea nimeni.

° De ce se numeste nuvela "La tiganci"?
Raspuns : Localitate in care se petrece actiunea este La tiganci.

° Profesorul : "Ce stil functional are acest text?"
Elevul: " Stilul articol"

° Prof: cum moare Dinu Paturica?
Elev:?
Prof: A murit intr-un mod simbolic?
Elev:?
Prof(NERVOS): Haide, mai, baiatule, cum a murit?
Elev(SPERIAT): L-A CALCAT CARUTA!!!!

° Nichita Stanescu este un poet care se mira de orice. El se
mira si de faptul ca oamenii aud si au urechi. Pai de ce? El n-a avut
urechi? A vazut el vreun om fara urechi? Ma rog, da se zice ca asa
este in poezie, sa te miri de toate si sa le pui pe toate unele subt
altele, in rânduri scurte, ca sa se vada ca sunt versuri.

° Basmul este o poveste mai lunga, poate fi chiar cât o carte
groasa, si are atâtea personaje ca nu le mai tii numarul dar trebuie
sa fii atent la fabula ca te intâlnesti cu ea si in final.

° Basmul studiat de noi este Harap Alb si este un basm cult
pentru ca este scris de un om cult, Eminescu. Atunci cand cel care
scrie basmul este incult si basmul este incult, adica opus basmului
cult, dar amândoua basmele sunt frumoase, numai ca unul este scris
intr-un fel si celalalt in alt fel.

° În cunoscuta baladã Miorita, sunt descrise câteva
întâmplãri în care sunt implicate doi criminali, o oaie turnãtoare, si
un cioban care socheazã prin prostia lui.

° Toma Alimos era viteaz pentru cã cu o mânã conducea calul,
cu o mânã îsi tinea matele si cu o mânã se bãtea cu Manea..

° Inima este împãrtitã în douã atricule si douã testicule...

° Zoe si Tipãtescu se iubeau pe la spate.

° Împãratul avea o grãdinã si în fund un mãr.

° Moromete fãcea pârtie pe salcâm ca sã se dea cu sania.

° Eminescu este trist pentru cã nu a reusit sã facã nimic în viata lui.


Daca mai stiti mai puneti, umorul involuntar e de de parte cel mai tare

[Gerula]

In caz ca v-ati imaginat ca doar copiii romani scriu tampenii la examene...

1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics.They lived in the Sarah Dessert and traveled by Camelot. The climate of the Sarah is such that the inhabitants have to live elsewhere.

2. The Bible is full of interesting caricatures. In the first book of the Bible,Guinessis, Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. One of their children,Cain, asked, “Am I my brother’s son?”

3. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread made without any ingredients. Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada.

4. Solomom had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines.

5. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn’t have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth.

6. Actually, Homer was not written by Homer but by another man of that name.

7. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline.

8. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled the biscuits, and threw the java.

9. Eventually, the Romans conquered the Greeks. History calls people Romans because they never stayed in one place for very long.

10. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: “Tee hee, Brutus.”

11. Nero was a cruel tyranny who would torture his subjects by playing the fiddle to them.

12. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was cannonized by Bernard Shaw. Finally Magna Carta provided that no man should be hanged twice for the same offense.

13. In midevil times most people were alliterate. The greatest writer of the futile ages was Chaucer, who wrote many poems and verses and also wrote literature.

14. Another story was William Tell, who shot an arrow through an apple while standing on his son’s head.

15. Queen Elizabeth was the “Virgin Queen.” As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted “hurrah.”

16. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. And Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100 foot clipper.




17. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies,comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couplet. Romeo’s last wish was to be laid by Juliet.

18. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained.

19. During the Renaissance America began. Christopher Columbus was a great navigator who discovered America while cursing about the Atlantic. His ships were called the Nina, the Pinta, and the Santa Fe.

20. Later, the Pilgrims crossed the ocean, and this was called Pilgrim’s Progress. The winter of 1620 was a hard one for the settlers. Many people died and many babies were born. Captain John Smith was responsible for all this.

21. One of the causes of the Revolutionary War was the English put tacks in their tea. Also, the colonists would send their parcels through the post without stamps. Finally the colonists won the War and no longer had to pay for taxis. Delegates from the original 13 states formed the Contented Congress. Thomas Jefferson, a Virgin, and Benjamin Franklin were two singers of the Declaration of Independence. Franklin discovered electricity by rubbing two cats backwards and declared, “A horse divided against itself cannot stand.”. Franklin died in 1790 and is still dead.

22. Soon the Constitution of the United States was adopted to secure domestic hostility. Under the constitution the people enjoyed the right to keep bare arms.

23. Abraham Lincoln became America’s greatest Precedent. Lincoln’s mother died in infancy, and he was born in a log cabin which he built with his own hands. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves by signing the Emasculation Proclamation. On the night of April 14, 1865, Lincoln went to the theater and got shot in his seat by one of the actors in a moving picture show. The believed assinator was John Wilkes Booth, a supposedly insane actor. This ruined Booth’s career.

24. Meanwhile in Europe, the enlightenment was a reasonable time. Voltaire invented electricity and also wrote a book called Candy.

25. Gravity was invented by Issac Walton. It is chiefly noticeable in the autumn when the apples are falling off the trees.

26. Johann Bach wrote a great many musical compositions and had a large number of children. In between he practiced on an old spinster which he kept up in his attic. Bach died from 1750 to the present. Bach was the most famous composer in the world and so was Handel. Handel was half German half Italian and half English. He was very large.

27. Beethoven wrote music even though he was deaf. He was so deaf he wrote loud music. He took long walks in the forest even when everyone was calling for him. Beethoven expired in 1827 and later died for this.

28. The French Revolution was accomplished before it happened and catapulted into Napoleon. Napoleon wanted an heir to inherit his power, but since Josephine was a baroness, she couldn’t have any children.

29. The sun never set on the British Empire because the British Empire is In the East and the sun sets in the West.

30. Queen Victoria was the longest queen. She sat on a thorn for 63 years. She was a moral woman who practiced virtue. Her death was the final event which ended her reign.

31. The nineteenth century was a time of a great many thoughts and inventions. People stopped reproducing by hand and started reproducing by machine. The invention of the steamboat caused a network of river to spring up. Cyrus McCormick invented the McCormick raper, which did the work of a hundred men.

32. Louis Pasteur discovered a cure for rabbis. Charles Darwin was a naturalist who wrote the Organ of the Species. Madman Curie discovered radio. And Karl Marx became one of the Marx brothers.

33. The First World War, caused by the assignation of the Arch-Duck by an anahist, ushered in a new error in the anals of human history.

Cateva sunt absolut halucinante